Phuket is adored across many countries — people speak of it with a dreamy sigh, eyes rolling heavenward: “Ah, Phuket!” And during the three months I spent in Pattaya, I heard the same refrain from friends and acquaintances, over and over: “Ugh, Pattaya. Now Phuket — that’s a different story.” Naturally, I grew determined to see Phuket for myself and discover just what made it so irresistible that people practically swooned at the mention of its name.
Technically, Phuket is an island, and islands always carry their own particular atmosphere. But in truth, Phuket is simply a stretch of land separated from the mainland by a strait a mere 600 metres wide. Drive onto Phuket by car, in fact, and you might not even notice you’ve crossed onto an island at all — a bridge stretches unbroken from the mainland.
Let’s divide destinations, loosely, into two categories: the metropolis and unspoiled, paradisiacal nature with beaches. Phuket tries to claim a place in both — and ends up mediocre in each. The island does have its shopping malls, its condominiums rising by the month, but the drive towards developed infrastructure has only produced heavy congestion on a road network that was never built to bear it. Even getting around by motorbike is a struggle here. And the locals, not yet quite accustomed to metropolitan life, still keep to old habits — much of the island shuts down after sunset. So as a metropolis, Phuket falls rather short, lagging far behind somewhere like Pattaya.
And what of that paradisiacal nature?
Yes, there are genuinely fine viewpoints and beaches — but between the endless rows of stalls, cafés and the thousands of sun loungers, they end up resembling nothing so much as the overdeveloped beaches of Benidorm rather than anything paradisiacal. And that puts them at a serious disadvantage next to the beaches of islands that are actually islands, rather than a technically detached sliver of land — Samui, Chang, Phangan, Larn, Samet, and so on. I name only those I have visited myself.
In trying to be everything at once, then, Phuket loses out, on every count, to places that never attempted such a thing in the first place. Which brings me to an obvious conclusion:
- If it’s a holiday you’re after, choose one of the smaller islands instead. On Samui, for instance, there’s a shopping centre, so you can buy what you need if the occasion arises — though for a fortnight or three weeks, you could just as well p1ack it all in your suitcase beforehand.
- If you’re settling in for several months, Pattaya is the better choice. Precisely Pattaya — it’s the most developed town after Bangkok, and yet still pleasant to live in. You won’t much feel like swimming there; there are simply too many ferries, speedboats and boats about, and the water is far from pristine. But when you’re living somewhere long-term, there’s no urge to cram in enough swimming to last a lifetime within a fortnight — you can simply take yourself off, at your leisure, on weekends, to the lovely, cosy beaches of Koh Larn, Sattahip, or Samet.
Phuket is rather like the white iPhone: everyone wants one, yet there’s nothing especially remarkable about it. And every so often, it’s worth setting the white iPhone aside — if only to take a proper look at something genuinely exceptional.
